本页面文字内容按难度分级目录：
Level 1 (A1A2,小学)
Level 2-1 (A2B1,初中)
Level 2-2 (B1+，高中)
Level 3(C1，大学)
Level 1
1
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
2
Why is Dad’s Hair White?
Kid: Why is some of your hair white dad?
Dad: Every time you make me unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.
Kid: Now I understand why grandpa’s hair is all white!
Level 2-1
1
Two friends are talking:
My doctor told me I must stop playing football.
What?! Is he sure? Did he examine you properly?
Not really. But he did see me playing.
2
How do you know the ocean greets you?
It waves.
3
Can’t See It
Mom: Having trouble with your computer, son?
Son: My PC says it can’t see my printer.
Mom: I’m not surprised. Look how messy your room is.（L2-1）
Level 2-2
1
When I see lovers’ names carved in a tree, I don’t think it’s sweet. I just think it’s surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
A guest is ordering at a restaurant, “Do you think you could bring me what that gentleman over there is having?”
The waiter looks at him sternly, “No sir, I’m very sure he intends to eat it himself.”
2
A Japanese student: “Master Aykodo, why do Europeans think we look all the same?”
The master replied: “I’m not master Aykodo.”
3
It has four legs and it can fly, what is it?
A pair of birds.
4
The teacher growls at Little Johnny, “Is that bubble gum in your mouth?! In the trash can! Right now!”
Little Johnny, “The bubble gum too?”
5
Waiter, there’s a fly twitching in my soup!”
“And what do you expect for the price? A ballet?!”
6
A son asks his mother: “Mom, the kids are laughing at me, they say my teeth are too long!”
Mother replies: “Oh shush, now you’ve scratched the whole floor again!”
7
“Daddy, what is an alcoholic?”
“Do you see those 4 trees, son? An alcoholic would see 8 trees.”
“Um, Dad – there are only 2 trees.”
8
I received another letter from some lawyer yesterday. It had “Final Notice” written on the envelope. Good. They won’t be bothering me anymore.
9
A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”
The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know the woman!”
10
A man noticed his credit card has been stolen – but he never reported it.
The thief was still spending considerably less than his wife.
11
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”
One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”
So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”
12
Me and my wife, we’ve decided that we don’t want to have children.
So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.
Level 3
1
I had a dream where an evil queen forced me to eat a gigantic marshmallow.
When I woke up, my pillow was gone.
2
A man asks his iPhone:
“Siri, why am I still single?!”
Siri activates front camera.
3
My boss told me that I don’t know my boundaries. So I fired him.
4
A clairvoyant to a man, “I can see you are the father of 3 kids.”
The man smiles smugly, “No, I have 4 kids.”
The clairvoyant, “That’s what you think.”
5
Years ago, I threw away a boomerang really hard.
I’ve lived in constant fear since.
6
On a mountain trip a man falls down into a crack. His wife calls after him, “Are you OK?”
“Yeah!”
“Are you hurt?”
“No!”
“Not a scratch? How come?!“
“I’m not done falling yet-et-et-et-et!”
7
Where do we get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.
8
Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!
9
Little Red Riding Hood walks all alone through the deep dark wood. Suddenly she hears rustling in a thick bush. Cautiously she moves the branches aside and finds herself facing the big bad wolf.
“Oh, Big Bad Wolf, why do you have such huge red eyes?”
“Go away! I’m crapping!”
10
Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far!
Yeah, the catapult is really amazing. Go get our daughter!
11
A husband and a wife are having dinner at a nice restaurant. The woman drops some tomato sauce on her white top. “Oh no, I look like a pig!”
The man nods, “Also, you dropped some tomato sauce on your shirt!”
12
A dung beetle goes into a bar and asks, “Yo, is this stool taken?”
13
Why is women’s soccer so rare?
It’s quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
14
What do politicians and diapers have in common?
Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.
15
How do you rob a snowman?
With a hairdryer.
16
What is sticky and brown?
A stick!
17
A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?”
Lawyer says: “1000 US dollars for 3 questions.”
Man: “Wow – so much! Isn’t it a bit expensive?”
Lawyer: “Yes, what is your third question?”
18
Two blind dudes are fighting really viciously. How do you stop them?
You shout, “I’m betting on the dude with the knife!”
19
“My wife suffers from a drinking problem.”
“Oh is she an alcoholic?”
“No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers.”
20
It Might Work Again
Recently, my husband put his car in reverse and accidentally drove it into a wall. He took it to his mechanic, who replaced the dented bumper.
A few days later, he did it again. “I’m so embarrassed,” he moaned, reaching for the phone.
“Why not tell her it was me this time?” I suggested.
“Maybe I will,” he said while dialing. “It worked the last time.”